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An American writer named Shawn James in January 2016 penned piece titled ‘Why Real Men Avoid Single Mothers’ – giving 15 reasons why men should not date single mothers. Read the piece below and tell us what you think:
1. Never Available. A single Mother’s schedule is never open. Single mothers are the kind of women to always cancel dates at the last minute. Something always gets in the way of a man spending time with her. It’s hard to have a relationship with her because she’s never there.
2. YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST. Behind, her kids, her job, the car, the kitchen sink, the stopped up toilet. Even the dog gets more attention and affection than a man involved with a single mother. Any man who gets involved with a single mother winds up a fifth stringer in a relationship. And he rarely ever gets called up to play.
3. Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER. A single mother is one of the biggest narcissists on the dating scene. She often thinks that a man has to drop everything in his life to be part of hers and her kids. They’re so selfish they don’t think a man has needs, wants or a life of his own. He’s just supposed to be there to give her everything she wants in life.
4. Emotionally Unavailable- Most Single mothers cannot form an intimate connection with a man because her feelings are invested in other people. Usually her primary focus is on her children. In addition to dedicating herself to her children, most single mothers have given their hearts to someone else- their children’s father. And those feelings she still has for him will always prevent her from getting closer to you. There will always be some distance between a single mother and the new man in her life.
5. The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE. A man just doesn’t deal with a single mother. He deals with her ex or her baby daddy as well. And this guy is always hovering around like a helicopter looking to chockablock you. Some of these guys still think they have a shot at getting back with her. Others just don’t want to see her happy. A lot of these dudes want to fight over her. Seriously, it’s a game they’re playing with each other. And they’ll be playing that game with each other until their children turn 18 or 21. Head for the exit. It’s just not worth dealing with this fool and his insecure bullshit.
6. The kids are working AGAINST YOU When dealing with a single mother you also deal with Kids. Kids who still in their little heart of hearts think that Dad will come back and love them. Seriously, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
7. Those kids will HATE YOU. They will act out to keep you from getting closer to mommy. They will make accusations against you to get you in trouble. Again, it’s just not worth dealing with the bullshit to get with a female. There are four billion women in the world. You can find a quality female who doesn’t carry all this baggage or give you this much grief.
8. Entitled attitude Single mothers think because she had a baby out of wedlock the world owes her EVERYTHING. And she thinks she’s the one who deserves the best. Even though she’s usually collecting welfare, food stamps, or child support, in eyes she’s still supposed to be treated like she’s a queen because she popped a kid out of her vagina. In their deluded distorted vision of the world Men are still supposed to take her out to the finest restaurants and buy them lots of expensive stuff. And he’s supposed to take care of her kids too, buying them whatever they want while taking a blind eye to their bad behavior.
9. Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby. Only she doesn’t understand how her body has changed. In some cases for the worse.
Single mothers are the type to try to squeeze themselves into sexy outfits like low-rise jeans and cropped T-shirts to show off their belly button, not seeing the muffin top and stretch marks squeezing out over the top of their pants. They’re the type to stuff themselves into slinky spandex dresses, (not aware of that gut, and the cellulite on their asses) and head out to the club. She thinks men are supposed to run up on her offering to buy her drinks. And because a few thirsty simps step to her, she thinks she’s still got it. But the only people who wants what she has to offer are scavengers at the bottom of the social scene.
10. Always the victim. Single Mothers never take responsibility for their actions. The situation they’re in is always the fault of that “no good man”, “these damn kids” their mother or someone else. They never take any time to do any self-examination or make any efforts to change their lives. They’re still looking for some Rich Incredibly Handsome Man™ to put on a cape and play Captain Save-A-Hoe™, sweep her off her feet and take her out of the troubling situation she helped make.
11. Jekyll & Hyde Personality. A single mother will be the sweetest thing when a man first dates her, but a few months into a relationship she turns into a NUTJOB. A man will usually see glimpses of this when she chastises her kids when he first meets them. During that meeting she’ll yell at them and bully them to get them to act right while praising a man like he’s an angel. It’s all an act. Heaven will turn into Hell around the six month mark.  Once a single mother gets a man settled into her life it’s not common for her to start verbally abusing him and mocking him as she projects all that pent-up rage from those previous failed relationships onto him. And it’s usually around this point that most men realize why this woman is single and why it’s time for him to hit the exit door.
12. Drama Queen. Because a single mother always sees herself as a victim of society, she’s always talking about her problems. And she always has a new trouble to bring everyone. There’s never a good day in the life of a single mother because there’s always some new crisis about to emerge in her life. The reason single mothers need the drama is because it makes them feel important. It makes people pay attention to them. And when Captain-Save-A-Hoe™ is doting on them trying to solve their problems it makes them feel an artificial sense of value. They need that value to deflects people’s attention from how pathetic their lives actually are. Manipulative In most cases, a single mother has no interest in a man she’s dating. In a lot of cases she’s just using a guy as a pawn.
13. In most cases she’s dating to make her Baby Daddy jealous. Deep down in her heart of hearts she believes that if she’s seen with someone else who sees her as valuable that he’ll see her as valuable and take her back. In other cases when she’s not trying to get a rise out of Baby Daddy she’s playing the sympathy card™ using a guy to get gifts, free dinners and free drinks out of him. To a single mother, The men in her lives are just human ATM machines where she whispers a sweet nothing in his ear like a PIN number and money comes out of his wallet. And because she’s a drama queen who loves to play the victim, the Single mother plays to men’s emotions to get them to react in the way she wants. It’s not common for a single mother to tell her man about her baby daddy so he can go fight him. Or pit two baby daddies against each other. Many a man has wound up either dead or in prison because a single Mother played the victim card™.
14. Dishonest. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world. Single mothers lie. And they LIE ALL THE TIME. They lie to men about their age, their height, their weight, how many kids they have, the job they do. On top of the lies they tell to others They lie to themselves. They lie about how beautiful they are. They lie telling themselves they’re still a catch. They lie telling themselves they still have a chance with a good man. They lie telling themselves that their lives will be happily ever after one day. The horrible truth is without those lies most of those single mothers would realize how pathetic their lives are. How they have no options in the dating scene. That they’re at the bottom of the barrel in the dating scene and the only men who want them are pathetic Manginas and thirsty Simps.
15. Carries Baggage, baggage and more baggage A single mother has more issues than Time and Newsweek combined. And when she’s looking for a man, she’s not looking for an equal caring partner. She’s looking for a Pullman Porter™ to take care of her kids, and clean up her messes with her children’s’ father. Brothers, don’t let yourself get sized up for the white jacket and the bow tie! Anyway, dealing with a single mother is like walking through a minefield. After several months of being involved with her, it leaves a man anxious and tense because he doesn’t know where to step that won’t lead to an explosion that kills him. That’s why Real Men avoid single mothers like disease. Real men understand life is too short to put up with someone’s drama and their emotional baggage. We only have a limited time on God’s Earth and who wants to spend it being a Pullman Porter cleaning up someone else’s messes. As I stated before in a previous blog, let that woman take her run over Jimmy Choo's and clean up her own mess. She made her bed, now let her lie in the wet spot.
Don’t date single mothers and don’t waste your time with them. There are four billion women in this world. If you’re patient, you’ll find a good one.
Thursday, 18 February 2016 19:28

What a Husband Needs from a Wife is Never Sex

Sex is an important element in marriage and until there is sexual intercourse between a husband and a wife, the marriage is not yet spiritually recognized. This shows how important sex is in marriage. 

When you look at how aggressive men are towards sex you may think that what a man needs from a woman is sex. Of course, if he has not married you yet or he does not really intend to marry you what he will need from you is nothing above your body. But if he really intends to marry you or if you guys are already married sex is never what he needs from you - maybe let me say it better; "WHAT A MAN NEEDS MOST FROM A WOMAN IS NOT SEX." 

Many young girls think because they are sexually active and experience they will easily be married and have their husbands loving them. And when a man approaches for marriage they think the greatest asset they have to show the man is sex. Others also think once they are giving out their bodies it means they are giving out the best for which reason they will be chosen above all. 

There is this young girl who is very beautiful and sexually active. Due to that she thought sex is all that matters to a man. Ironically, she struggled for long before finally getting married. Her sexual dexterity could not win her the heart of a man until out of the blue and reason beyond imagination a very handsome good man married her. The wedding was grand and her tears were now gone. Unfortunately only a year after the wedding the marriage fell on rocks. Within five years three different men came her way but none could stay.  

The problem was simple. She thought sex was all that matters so she would never submit. But submission is what men need, not sex. It is time for our young ladies to know that when a man is ready to marry he will not look out for a woman who will satisfy his sex drive but a woman who will submit herself to him. Excuse my language, "every woman has vagina but not every woman has humility." So when you are a humble woman, you are an expensive jewelry. And a man of integrity will fear to lose you. 

What does the holy

Robert F. Smith is the billionaire everyone is talking about, but nobody knew about just a few months ago. He is the 52-year-old founder of the private equity firm, Vista Equity Partners. Vista deals in the not-so-sexy category of enterprise software, which might be why he's flown under the radar until now. Smith was recently on the cover of Forbes richest Americans issue, which is how he came to our attention. His net worth of $2.5 billion makes him number 268 on the list of the wealthiest Americans. It also makes him the second wealthiest African American behind Oprah Winfrey. But who is Robert F. Smith and how did he get so stinkin' rich?

Robert F. Smith was born on December 1, 1962 in Denver, Colorado. He is a fourth generation Coloradan. His schoolteacher parents both have PhDs. When he was an infant, Smith's mother carried him at the March on Washington, where Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his famous "I Have a Dream" speech. He grew up in a mostly African American middle class neighborhood in Denver.

Smith showed tenacity early in life. In high school, he applied for an internship at Bell Labs. The problem was, the program was for junior and senior college students only. Smith was undaunted. He called the H.R. Director at Bell Labs every single day for two weeks. Then he cut back and just called every Monday for another five months. When an intern from M.I.T. didn't show up in June to start the internship, the H.R. Director finally called him back and Smith got the job. While interning at Bell Labs that summer, he developed a reliability test for semiconductors.

Smith got his B.S. Chemical Engineering from Cornell University and continued to work as an intern at Bell Labs during his summer and winter breaks from his undergraduate studies. After Cornell, Smith went on to Columbia University to get his MBA. Once that was accomplished, he headed right to Wall Street and a job at Goldman Sachs. From 1994 to 2000, Smith, as co-head of enterprise systems and storage investment banking, advised on $50 billion in tech merger and acquisition deals.

In 2000, Smith left Goldman Sachs and launched Vista Equity Partners. In the 15 years since then, Vista has grown to nearly $16 billion in assets and generated insane returns for its investors. Vista has delivered a whopping 31 percent average annual rate of return to its investors since 2000.

The fund's success is all in Smith's strategy. Unlike other Silicon Valley investors who look to fund the next hot startup, Smith takes a decidedly utilitarian approach to investing. He intentionally invests in Silicon Valley's lesser known companies. He seeks out software and technology companies that aren't at all flashy. Smith has kept Vista's focus on the unglamorous sector of enterprise software and technology. Vista is currently valued at $4.3 billion. Smith controls a majority stake in his firm.

Smith may take a non-flashy approach to investing, but his personal life is about as flashy as flashy gets. This summer, Smith married former Playboy Playmate of the year, Hope Dworaczyk. The couple got married in a lavish, over-the-top ceremony that included private performances from John Legend, Seal, and Brian McKnight. Legend serenaded the bride as she walked down the aisle and the couple danced their first dance as man and wife under a custom light display that read "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Smith and his 30-year-old bride married on Italy's Amalfi coast. The couple rented out the Hotel Villa Cimbrone for the star-studded event.

Smith is also Chairman of the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights, Member of the Cornell Engineering College Council, and a Trustee of the Boys and Girls Clubs of San Francisco. He is a Board Member of Carnegie Hall and an avid fly fisherman.

We may have been unaware of Robert F. Smith before now, but one thing is for sure, we're never going to overlook him again!


Published in Business

“We think of ourselves as Wal-Mart’s African investment vehicle,” said Grant Pattison, Massmart’s chief executive. “I think the global economy has got so bad that there’s a realization that with South America, India and Asia tapped . . . there’s only one large billion-sized population left in the world, and that is Africa.” 

So far, it has been South African companies, the continent’s largest and most sophisticated, that have been leading the charge. 

Shoprite, Africa’s biggest retailer, last month announced the opening of its first store in Kinshasa, capital of Congo, a country better known for conflict and crisis than shopping. Shoprite has operations in 17 African countries and about 115 supermarkets outside South Africa. 

Woolworths, a Cape Town-based retailer, has plans to open 14 stores outside its home market this financial year and to almost double its stores across the continent, excluding South Africa, to 104 in the next two to three years. 

John Fraser, who heads Woolworths’ international division, said the expansion has been encouraged by the conscious effort African governments are making to diversify their economies away from dependence on resources. But, he added, “the other thing that’s happening for us is increasing urbanization in Africa . . . and a growing middle class, which is really our target customer.” 

Woolworths has stores in a dozen countries outside South Africa, and its sales outside South Africa have tripled in the past two years, Fraser said. 

Oil-rich countries such as Nigeria, Angola and Ghana are among the markets being targeted. But for all the enthusiasm and potential, the hurdles can be daunting — Africa’s 1 billion people are spread across 54 diverse countries with different cultures, languages and demographics. There are sizeable bureaucratic and logistical barriers, and searching for the requisite real estate can be a big stumbling block. Massmart, for example, has been unable to secure the property it needs to break into Angola and Kenya. 

Massmart opened its first store outside of South Africa in the mid-1990s in Botswana and has operations in 12 countries. It has two stores in Nigeria — deemed the golden goose of the retailing sector — and hopes to open another four in the country. But it could take years reach its targets, primarily because of issues of finding the right property, Pattison said. “It’s very, very difficult. . . . It’s a complicated country, no doubt about that,” he said. 

Still, Pattison said that the harder it is to operate, the “more profit opportunity there is,” and Massmart is planning to open food retail outlets across the continent. “People moving from a rural lifestyle to an urban lifestyle need to be serviced,” he said. “We will now transform Massmart into an African company.” 

Not everyone is convinced. Ademola Olugunde, a 40-year-old electrical engineer who lives in Australia, was shocked by prices at the Ikeja City Mall. 

“This place is a make-believe that everything is well in Nigeria and is not what people need. Step across the road, and you see the poverty; the reality is that it is really tough out there. Fancy malls are for the [wealthiest] 1 percent.” 

But Nigeria’s huge population of 160 million — Lagos alone has more than 11 million — means that still adds up to a lot of potential customers eager to embrace the convenience. “I can’t take my baby to shop in the market, with all the traffic, people and noise,” said Zaynab Salami, 32, who works for the National Blood Transfusion Service and was pushing her trolley with her 10-month-old son sitting inside. “But I can here.”                          Culled from — Financial Times.



Published in Business
Tuesday, 21 March 2017 19:48

How to Praise Children


Some people say that it is impossible to give your child too much praise. Others claim that constant praise will spoil your child and make him feel entitled, as if the world owed him something.

Besides how much you praise your child, you also have to consider the kind of praise you offer. Which type will encourage your child? Which type might hinder him? How can you offer praise that will have the best outcome?


Not all praise is equal. Consider the following.

Too much praise can be harmful. Some parents dole out undeserved praise in an attempt to boost their children’s self-esteem. But young ones “are smart enough to see through the exaggeration and conclude that you do not really mean what you say,” warns Dr. David Walsh. “They know that they did not deserve [the praise] and may conclude that they cannot trust you.” *

Praise based on ability is better. Suppose your daughter has a knack for drawing. Naturally, you want to praise her for this, which will motivate her to hone her skill even more. But there can be a drawback. Praise focused on talent alone could cause your child to think that the only skills worth pursuing are those that come easily. She may even shy away from new challenges, fearing that she will fail. ‘If something takes effort,’ she reasons, ‘I must not be cut out for it—so why try?’

Effort-based praise is best. Children who are praised for their hard work and perseverance rather than simply for their talents come to realize a vital truth—that acquiring skill requires patience and effort. Knowing that, “they put in the work needed to achieve the desired result,” says the book Letting Go With Love and Confidence. “Even when they come up short, they don’t view themselves as failures, but as learners.”


Praise effort, not just talent. Telling your child, “I can see that you put a lot of thought into your drawing,” may do more good than saying, “You’re a natural artist.” Both statements offer praise, but the second one could unwittingly imply that inborn skills are the only ones your child will be good at.

When you praise effort, you teach your child that ability can improve with practice. Your child might then take on new challenges more confidently.—Bible principle: Proverbs 14:23.

Help your child deal with failure. Even good people make mistakes, perhaps repeatedly. (Proverbs 24:16) But after each misstep, they get up, learn from the experience, and move on. How can you help your child to cultivate that positive approach?

Again, focus on effort. Consider an example: Suppose you often tell your daughter, “You’re a natural at math,” but then she fails a math test. She might conclude that she has lost her knack, so why try to improve?

When you focus on effort, however, you foster resilience. You help your daughter to view a setback as just that, and not as a disaster. So rather than give up, she may try another approach or simply work harder.—Bible principle: James 3:2.

Give constructive criticism. When given in the right manner, negative feedback will help a child, not crush his spirit. Also, if you regularly give appropriate praise, likely your child will welcome feedback on how he can further improve. Then his achievements will become a source of satisfaction both to him and to you.—Bible principle: Proverbs 13:4.

Culled from Jehovah Witness

Published in Opinions
Thursday, 09 February 2017 19:42

Teaching Children Self-Control

Your six-year-old seems to have no concept of self-restraint. If he sees something he wants, he wants it now! If he gets angry, he sometimes lashes out. ‘Is this normal behavior for a child?’ you wonder. ‘Is it just a phase that he will outgrow, or is it the time for me to teach him self-control?’ *


Today’s culture undermines self-control. “In our permissive culture, adults and children constantly hear messages that we should do whatever we want,” writes Dr. David Walsh. “From well-meaning self-help gurus to dollar-grubbing hucksters, we constantly hear that we should give in to our urges.” *

Early teaching of self-control is vital. In a long-term study, researchers gave a group of four-year-old children one marshmallow each and told them that they could either eat the one marshmallow right away or wait a brief period and receive another marshmallow as a reward for their patience. Later in life, as high school graduates, the children who showed self-control at four were doing better than their counterparts emotionally, socially, and academically.

The cost of not teaching self-control can be heavy. Researchers believe that the circuitry of a child’s brain can be altered by his experiences. Dr. Dan Kindlon explains what that means: “If we overindulge our children, if we don’t make them learn how to wait their turn, delay gratification, and resist temptation, the neural changes that we associate with strong character may not take place.” *


Set the example. How are you at showing self-control? Does your child see you lose your temper in a traffic jam, cut in line at the store, or interrupt others in conversation? “The most straightforward way to help our children develop self-control is to exhibit it ourselves,” writes Kindlon.—Bible principle: Romans 12:9.

Teach your child about consequences. In a manner appropriate for his age, help your child see that there are benefits to resisting his urges and a price to pay for giving in to them. For example, if your child is angry over being mistreated by someone, help him to stop and ask himself: ‘Will retaliation help or hurt? Is there a better way to deal with the situation—perhaps counting to ten and allowing the anger to subside? Would it be better just to walk away?’—Bible principle: Galatians 6:7.

Create incentive. Praise your child when he displays self-control. Let him know that it may not always be easy to suppress his urges but that it is a sign of strength when he does so! The Bible says: “As a city broken through, without a wall, is the man who cannot control his temper.” (Proverbs 25:28) In contrast, “the one slow to anger is better than a mighty man.”—Proverbs 16:32.

Practice. Create a role-playing game called “What Would You Do?” or “Good Choices, Bad Choices” or something similar. Discuss potential scenarios and act out possible reactions, labeling them either “good” or “bad.” Get creative: If you like, use puppets, drawings, or another method to make the activity enjoyable as well as informative. Your goal is to help your child realize that having self-control is better than being impulsive.—Bible principle: Proverbs 29:11.

Be patient. The Bible says that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.” (Proverbs 22:15, footnote) So do not expect your child to develop self-control overnight. “This is a long, slow process with forward progress, meltdowns, and more progress,” says the book Teach Your Children Well. The effort, however, is worthwhile. “The child who can hold off,” the book continues, “is in a much better position to hold off on drugs at twelve or sex at fourteen.”


Even toddlers can start learning self-control. “If a child cries and cries for a piece of candy at the grocery store and you give it to her, you have just taught her that crying is an effective way to get what she wants,” says the book Generation Me. “The next time she wants something, she will cry and whine because that worked last time. Instead, give the child treats for good behavior. Many parents cave in to a crying child because it feels easier, or because they can’t stand to deprive a child of something she wants. However, you’re depriving her of a lot more if you give in. Rewarding the child who asks nicely teaches social skills as well as self-control.”

Culled from Jehovah Witness 


Published in Education
Friday, 04 November 2016 20:01

How to Communicate With Your Teenager


As a child, he talked to you about everything. As a teenager, he tells you nothing. When you try to converse, he either gives clipped responses or ignites an argument that turns your home ground into a battleground.

You can learn to talk with your teenager. First, though, consider two factors that may contribute to the challenge. *


The quest for independence. To become a responsible adult, your teenager must, in a figurative sense, gradually move from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat and learn to navigate life’s treacherous roadways. Of course, some teenagers want more freedom than they should have; on the other hand, some parents grant less freedom than they could. The tug-of-war that may result can create considerable turmoil for parents and teens. “My parents try to micromanage every aspect of my life,” complains 16-year-old Brad. * “If they don’t give me more freedom by the time I turn 18, I’m moving out!”

Abstract thinking. Young children tend to think in concrete, black-and-white terms, but many teenagers can perceive the gray areas of a matter. This is an important aspect of abstract thinking, and it helps a young person develop sound judgment. Consider an example: To a child the concept of fairness seems simple: ‘Mom broke a cookie in two and gave half to me and half to my brother.’ In this case, fairness is reduced to a mathematical formula. Teenagers, however, realize that the concept is not that simple. After all, fair treatment is not always equal, and equal treatment is not always fair. Abstract thinking allows your teenager to grapple with such complex issues. The downside? It can also cause him to grapple with you.


When possible, have casual chats. Take advantage of informal moments. For example, some parents have found that teenagers are more apt to open up while doing chores or while riding in the car, when they are side-by-side with a parent rather than face-to-face.—Bible principle: Deuteronomy 6:6, 7.

Keep it brief. You do not have to argue every issue to the bitter end. Instead, make your point . . . and then stop. Most of your message will be “heard” by your teenager later, when he’s alone and can ponder over what you’ve said. Give him a chance to do so.—Bible principle: Proverbs 1:1-4.

Listen—and be flexible. Listen carefully—without interrupting—so that you can get the full scope of the problem. When replying, be reasonable. If you rigidly adhere to rules, your teen will be tempted to look for loopholes. “This is when kids live two lives,” warns the book Staying Connected to Your Teenager. “The one in which they tell their parents what they want to hear and the one in which they do as they please once they are out of their parents’ sight.”—Bible principle: Philippians 4:5.

Stay calm. “When we disagree, my mom takes offense at everything I say,” says a teen named Kari. “That just makes me upset, and the conversation snowballs into an argument.” Rather than overreact, say something that “mirrors” your teen’s feelings. For example, instead of saying, “That’s nothing to worry about!” say, “I can see how much this bothers you.”—Bible principle: Proverbs 10:19.

To the extent possible, guide, don’t dictate. Your teen’s abstract thinking skills are like muscles that need to be developed. So when he faces a dilemma, do not do his “exercising” for him. As you discuss the matter, give him a chance to come up with some solutions of his own. Then, after you have brainstormed a few options, you could say: “Those are a few possibilities. Think them over for a day or two, and then we can get together again to talk about which solution you prefer and why.”—Bible principle: Hebrews 5:14.

                                                                                                                                                                                                             Culled from Jehovah Witness

Published in Opinions

EACH day presents people with numerous opportunities to do kind things for others. It may appear, though, that many think only of themselves. You see evidence of that nearly everywhere—from the shameless way people defraud others to the aggressive way they drive, from their crude language to their explosive tempers.

A me-first mentality also exists in many homes. For example, some spouses divorce simply because one partner feels that he or she “deserves better.” Even some parents may unwittingly sow the seeds of a me-first spirit. How? By indulging their child’s every whim, while hesitating to administer any kind of discipline.

By contrast, many other parents are training their children to put others before self, and with great benefits. Children who are considerate are more likely to make friends and to enjoy stable relationships. They are also more likely to be content. Why? Because, as the Bible says, “there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.”—Acts 20:35.

If you are a parent, how can you help your children to reap the benefits of being kind and to avoid being contaminated by the self-absorbed culture that surrounds them? Consider three traps that could foster a me-first spirit in your children, and see how you can avoid those traps.

1 Overpraising

The problem. Researchers have noted a disturbing trend: Many young adults are entering the workforce with a marked sense of entitlement—an attitude in which they expect success, even if they have done little or nothing to earn it. Some just assume that they will be promoted quickly, even without mastering their trade. Others are convinced that they are special and deserve to be treated that way—and then they become dejected when they realize that the world does not share their view.

What is behind it. Sometimes a sense of entitlement can be traced back to how a person was raised. For example, some parents have been unduly influenced by the self-esteem movement that has become popular in recent decades. Its tenets seemed plausible: If a little praise is good for kids, a lot of praise is better. On the other hand, the thinking was that showing any type of disapproval will only discourage a child. And in a world on a mission to build self-esteem, that was considered the epitome of irresponsible parenting. Children must never be made to feel bad about themselves—or so parents were told.

Many fathers and mothers thus began lavishing a constant flow of praise upon their children, even when those children did nothing particularly praiseworthy. Each accomplishment, no matter how small, was celebrated; each indiscretion, no matter how large, was overlooked. Those parents believed that the secret to building self-esteem was to ignore the bad and praise everything else. Making children feel good about themselves became more important than teaching them to accomplish things that they could actually feel good about.

What the Bible says. The Bible acknowledges that praise is appropriate when it is deserved. (Matthew 25:19-21) But praising children simply to make them feel good may cause them to develop a distorted

view of themselves. The Bible aptly states: “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he is deceiving his own mind.” (Galatians 6:3) For good reason, the Bible tells parents: “Don’t fail to correct your children. You won’t kill them by being firm.” *—Proverbs 23:13, Contemporary English Version.

What you can do. Make it your goal to give correction when it is needed and commendation when it is genuinely deserved. Do not dole out praise just to make your children feel good about themselves. Likely, it will not work. “True self-confidence comes from honing your talents and learning things,” says the book Generation Me, “not from being told you’re great just because you exist.”

“Do not think of yourself more highly than you should. Instead, be modest.”—Romans 12:3, Good News Translation

2 Overprotecting

The problem. Many young adults entering the workforce seem ill-prepared to cope with adversity. Some are devastated by the slightest criticism. Others are finicky and will accept only work that meets their highest expectations. For example, in the book Escaping the Endless Adolescence, Dr. Joseph Allen tells of a young man who said to him during a job interview: “I get the sense that sometimes parts of the work can be a little boring, and I don’t want to be bored.” Dr. Allen writes: “He didn’t seem to understand that all jobs have some boring elements. How did one make it to age twenty-three without knowing that?”

What is behind it. In recent decades, many parents have felt compelled to protect their children from any type of adversity. Your daughter failed a test? Intervene and demand that the teacher raise the grade. Your son received a traffic ticket? Pay the fine for him. A failed romance? Lay all the blame on the other person.

While it is natural to want to protect your children, overprotecting them can send the wrong message—that they do not need to take responsibility for their actions. “Instead of learning that they can survive pain and disappointment, and even learn from it,” says the book Positive Discipline for Teenagers, “[such] children grow up extremely self-centered, convinced that the world and their parents owe them something.”

What the Bible says. Adversity is a part of life. In fact, the Bible says: “Bad things happen to everyone!” (Ecclesiastes 9:11, Easy-to-Read Version) That includes good people. The Christian apostle Paul, for example, endured all manner of hardship during the course of his ministry. Yet, facing up to adversity benefited him! He wrote: “I have learned, in whatever circumstances I am, to be self-sufficient. . . . I have learned the secret of both how to be full and how to hunger, both how to have an abundance and how to suffer want.”—Philippians 4:11, 12.

What you can do. Taking into account the maturity level of your children, strive to follow the Bible principle: “We each must carry our own load.” (Galatians 6:5, CEV) If your son receives a traffic ticket, it might be best to let him pay the fine out of his allowance or salary. If your daughter fails a test, perhaps that should be a wake-up call to her so that next time she will be better prepared. If your son 

experiences the breakup of a romance, comfort him—but at the appropriate time help him to reflect on questions such as, ‘In hindsight, has this experience revealed any ways in which I need to grow?’ Children who work through their problems build resilience and self-confidence—assets they might lack if someone was constantly rescuing them.

“Let each one prove what his own work is, and then he will have cause for exultation.”—Galatians 6:4

3 Overproviding

The problem. In a survey of young adults, 81 percent said that the most important goal of their generation is ‘to become rich’—rating it far above helping others. But striving for wealth does not bring contentment. In fact, research indicates that people who focus on material things are less happy and more depressed. They also have a higher rate of physical and mental problems.

What is behind it. In some cases, children are being raised in materialistic families. “Parents want to make their children happy, and children want stuff,” says the book The Narcissism Epidemic. “Thus parents buy them stuff. And children are happy, but only for a short period of time. Then they want even more stuff.”

Of course, the advertising industry has been all too eager to exploit this hungry consumer market. It promotes such ideas as ‘You deserve the best’ and ‘Because you’re worth it.’ Many young adults have devoured the message and are now in debt, unable to pay for the things they “deserve.”

What the Bible says. The Bible acknowledges the need for money. (Ecclesiastes 7:12) At the same time, it warns that “the love of money is a root of all sorts of injurious things.” It adds: “By reaching out for this love some . . . have stabbed themselves all over with many pains.” (1 Timothy 6:10) The Bible encourages us, not to pursue material riches, but to be content with the basic necessities of life.—1 Timothy 6:7, 8.

“Those who are determined to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and many senseless and hurtful desires.”—1 Timothy 6:9

What you can do. As a parent, examine your own attitude toward money and the things it can buy. Keep your priorities straight, and help your children to do the same. The Narcissism Epidemic, quoted earlier, suggests: “Parents and children can start discussions on such topics as ‘When is buying things on sale a good idea? When is it a bad idea?’ ‘What’s an interest rate?’ ‘When have you bought something because someone else thought you should?’”

Be careful not to use “stuff” as a drug to cover over family issues that need to be addressed. “Throwing material goods at problems is a notoriously unsuccessful solution,” says the book The Price of Privilege. “Problems need to be addressed with thought, insight, and empathy, not shoes and purses.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Culled from Jehovah Witness

Published in Opinions

Hot, hot, hot foods are the focus of new research released this week suggesting that eating fiery ingredients such as chili peppers may do more than burn your tongue. These foods may help you live longer.

"There is accumulating evidence from mostly experimental research to show the benefit of spices or their active components on human health," said Lu Qi, an associate professor at Harvard School of Public Health and co-author of the study published this week in the BMJ. But the evidence evaluating consumption of spicy foods and mortality from population studies was lacking, he said.

As a result, researchers from the Chinese Academy of Medical Sciences studied data collected from 2004 to 2008 as part of the China Kadoorie Biobank. Using self-reported questionnaires, they analyzed the spicy food consumption of nearly half a million people age 30 to 70 across 10 regions in China, excluding those with cancer, heart disease and stroke.

They then reviewed the records of 20,224 people who died over a seven-year follow up period and found that those who ate spicy foods six or seven times a week had a 14% lower risk of premature death for all causes than people who ate spicy foods less than once a week. People who frequently consumed spicy food also showed a lower risk of death from cancer or ischemic heart and respiratory system diseases.

Fresh and dried chili peppers were the most common spicy sources, according to the study.

What is it about spicy foods? The study points to the benefits of capsaicin, a bioactive ingredient in chili peppers, which has been linked to health perks such as increased fat burning. Folk medicine practitioners also say capsaicin can help fight infection and stimulate the kidneys, lungs and heart.

Then, there's the old wives' tale that says eating spicy food will induce labor (although there's no scientific evidence supporting this claim).

There are also a few risks associated with eating spicy foods. "There are certain foods that are triggers for people with incontinence or overactive bladders, including spicy foods, which doctors have identified as common irritants for women," said Kristen Burns, an adult urology nurse practitioner at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore.

Spicy foods can also aggravate colds or sinus infections, increasing your runny nose.

The new research found an "association" between death and spicy food consumption, but an editorial published with the study cautions that this is not definitive. As a result, experts emphasize the need for more research before a connection between these ingredients can be scientifically established.

"It's an observational study within a single culture," said Daphne Miller, associate clinical professor at the University of California, San Francisco and author of "The Jungle Effect: The Healthiest Diets from Around the World, Why They Work and How to Make Them Work for You."

There are many variables associated with eating spicy food that haven't been accounted for, she said. The study itself cites limitations including the lack of information about other dietary and lifestyle habits or how spicy food was cooked or prepared. In addition, researchers note that although chili pepper was the most commonly used spice based on self-reports, the use of different spices tends to increase as the use of chili pepper increases. Consuming these other spices may also result in health benefits, independent of chilies.

However, Miller said the findings are still plausible, given the fact that spicy foods also have high levels of phenolic content, which are chemicals with nutritional and anti-inflammatory values.

Bio-psychologist John E. Hayes agrees. The fact that there seems to be an overall protective effect in chili intake is especially interesting, according to Hayes, an associate professor of food science and director of Sensory Evaluation Center at Penn State University. He has previously studied spicy food and personality association.

Now, scientists need to figure out why this benefit is occurring.

Hayes pointed out one significant question: "Is it a biological mechanism or a behavioral mechanism?"

A biological connection could mean that when you eat spicy food, thermogenesis occurs, increasing the basil metabolic rate, said Hayes, while a behavior mechanism could be that eating spicy food slows food intake, causing a person to eat fewer calories. A lower calorie consumption could indicate a more healthful diet, which would be an unaccounted variable not shown by the new study.

Qi, the author of this new study, believes the protective effect associated with spicy foods would indeed translate across cultures, but Hayes cautioned care.

"It's a very big study, a very controlled study," he said, that may not generalize to other countries. For instance, in the U.S., "spicy food is ubiquitously available but not ubiquitously consumed."

"You have to consider that when we talk about spicy food, we can mean vastly different things, with different health implications," Hayes said. "That spicy food could be low-energy-density vegetables, like kimchee. Or it could be a high-energy-density food like barbecue spare ribs."

So before you make a run for the hot sauce, more research is needed to qualify what spicy entails and the various ingredients, which the current study does not break down.

"This isn't an excuse to go out and eat 24 wings and then rationalize it by claiming they are going to make you live longer," Hayes said. "When you're looking at a whole food versus the individual component, we have to be very cautious."

This is the big caveat. "In science, we try to break things down into the simplest parts while still considering the context," Hayes said.       

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Culled from CNN

Published in Health
Wednesday, 14 September 2016 00:26

If Your Child Lies To You Often

1. If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behavior.

2. If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you have lost them.

3. If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.

4. If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.

5. If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don't let them chose what they want.

6. If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.

7. If your child does not respect other people's feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order and command them.

8. If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehavior and you give little attention to good behavior.

9. If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something even if they don't successfully complete it.

10. If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.

11. If your child is openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don't follow through.

12. If your child is secretive, it is because they don't trust that you won't blow things out of proportion.

13. If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others and think its normal behavior.

14. If your child doesn't listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to make decisions.

15. If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right.

Published in Opinions
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