Sex is an important element in marriage and until there is sexual intercourse between a husband and a wife, the marriage is not yet spiritually recognized. This shows how important sex is in marriage.
When you look at how aggressive men are towards sex you may think that what a man needs from a woman is sex. Of course, if he has not married you yet or he does not really intend to marry you what he will need from you is nothing above your body. But if he really intends to marry you or if you guys are already married sex is never what he needs from you - maybe let me say it better; "WHAT A MAN NEEDS MOST FROM A WOMAN IS NOT SEX."
Many young girls think because they are sexually active and experience they will easily be married and have their husbands loving them. And when a man approaches for marriage they think the greatest asset they have to show the man is sex. Others also think once they are giving out their bodies it means they are giving out the best for which reason they will be chosen above all.
There is this young girl who is very beautiful and sexually active. Due to that she thought sex is all that matters to a man. Ironically, she struggled for long before finally getting married. Her sexual dexterity could not win her the heart of a man until out of the blue and reason beyond imagination a very handsome good man married her. The wedding was grand and her tears were now gone. Unfortunately only a year after the wedding the marriage fell on rocks. Within five years three different men came her way but none could stay.
The problem was simple. She thought sex was all that matters so she would never submit. But submission is what men need, not sex. It is time for our young ladies to know that when a man is ready to marry he will not look out for a woman who will satisfy his sex drive but a woman who will submit herself to him. Excuse my language, "every woman has vagina but not every woman has humility." So when you are a humble woman, you are an expensive jewelry. And a man of integrity will fear to lose you.
What does the holy
Robert F. Smith is the billionaire everyone is talking about, but nobody knew about just a few months ago. He is the 52-year-old founder of the private equity firm, Vista Equity Partners. Vista deals in the not-so-sexy category of enterprise software, which might be why he's flown under the radar until now. Smith was recently on the cover of Forbes richest Americans issue, which is how he came to our attention. His net worth of $2.5 billion makes him number 268 on the list of the wealthiest Americans. It also makes him the second wealthiest African American behind Oprah Winfrey. But who is Robert F. Smith and how did he get so stinkin' rich?
Robert F. Smith was born on December 1, 1962 in Denver, Colorado. He is a fourth generation Coloradan. His schoolteacher parents both have PhDs. When he was an infant, Smith's mother carried him at the March on Washington, where Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his famous "I Have a Dream" speech. He grew up in a mostly African American middle class neighborhood in Denver.
Smith showed tenacity early in life. In high school, he applied for an internship at Bell Labs. The problem was, the program was for junior and senior college students only. Smith was undaunted. He called the H.R. Director at Bell Labs every single day for two weeks. Then he cut back and just called every Monday for another five months. When an intern from M.I.T. didn't show up in June to start the internship, the H.R. Director finally called him back and Smith got the job. While interning at Bell Labs that summer, he developed a reliability test for semiconductors.
Smith got his B.S. Chemical Engineering from Cornell University and continued to work as an intern at Bell Labs during his summer and winter breaks from his undergraduate studies. After Cornell, Smith went on to Columbia University to get his MBA. Once that was accomplished, he headed right to Wall Street and a job at Goldman Sachs. From 1994 to 2000, Smith, as co-head of enterprise systems and storage investment banking, advised on $50 billion in tech merger and acquisition deals.
In 2000, Smith left Goldman Sachs and launched Vista Equity Partners. In the 15 years since then, Vista has grown to nearly $16 billion in assets and generated insane returns for its investors. Vista has delivered a whopping 31 percent average annual rate of return to its investors since 2000.
The fund's success is all in Smith's strategy. Unlike other Silicon Valley investors who look to fund the next hot startup, Smith takes a decidedly utilitarian approach to investing. He intentionally invests in Silicon Valley's lesser known companies. He seeks out software and technology companies that aren't at all flashy. Smith has kept Vista's focus on the unglamorous sector of enterprise software and technology. Vista is currently valued at $4.3 billion. Smith controls a majority stake in his firm.
Smith may take a non-flashy approach to investing, but his personal life is about as flashy as flashy gets. This summer, Smith married former Playboy Playmate of the year, Hope Dworaczyk. The couple got married in a lavish, over-the-top ceremony that included private performances from John Legend, Seal, and Brian McKnight. Legend serenaded the bride as she walked down the aisle and the couple danced their first dance as man and wife under a custom light display that read "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Smith and his 30-year-old bride married on Italy's Amalfi coast. The couple rented out the Hotel Villa Cimbrone for the star-studded event.
Smith is also Chairman of the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights, Member of the Cornell Engineering College Council, and a Trustee of the Boys and Girls Clubs of San Francisco. He is a Board Member of Carnegie Hall and an avid fly fisherman.
We may have been unaware of Robert F. Smith before now, but one thing is for sure, we're never going to overlook him again!
''The Queen of England from the lands who brought you Christianity doesn't kneel in the church of England nor does she kneel for the god or Jesus, but the Ooni of Ife, a sacred lineage and position that preceded that of England, preceded Christianity now feels the need to insult our culture, people, intelligence and dignity by kneeling in some church! This is just disgusting!''- Teekay Arabambi Akin.
When will this nonsense stop? When will the Yoruba stop installing fools and Eurocentric as Oba? These are the people who are supposed to uphold our spirituality. Olalekan Olabisi.
Religion will prefers mankind to remain ignorance and unintelligent through the weapon of myth... etc. forever. The White Race Prostituted our Culture and Tradition, Fornicated our Ethics and Raped our Ancestral shrines. Proliferating their psychedelic and adulterated beliefs thereof relegating our salubrious custom to a referendum etc. How could they have suddenly turn around and give us Something Good??
A religion they don't even believe in (Christian). A Strategic Imperialistic Hegemony!!! A king Does not teaches a subject to become a king, instead he teaches him how to remain a submissive subject and give birth to a submissive Race.. The white man has always seen us as Slaves!!! Mishandle and misremember our cognitive wits! And his ideas about us and wishes for us is all about Merchandise.
Ile-Ife existed before history and born of Jesus Christ birth, – Late Ooni of Ife Ooni of Ife, Oba Okunade Sijuwade said in Ibadan that Ile-Ife had been in existed over 10,000 years before the birth of Jesus Christ, and even before Oyo town, warning people against distortion of history.
“We think of ourselves as Wal-Mart’s African investment vehicle,” said Grant Pattison, Massmart’s chief executive. “I think the global economy has got so bad that there’s a realization that with South America, India and Asia tapped . . . there’s only one large billion-sized population left in the world, and that is Africa.”
So far, it has been South African companies, the continent’s largest and most sophisticated, that have been leading the charge.
Shoprite, Africa’s biggest retailer, last month announced the opening of its first store in Kinshasa, capital of Congo, a country better known for conflict and crisis than shopping. Shoprite has operations in 17 African countries and about 115 supermarkets outside South Africa.
Woolworths, a Cape Town-based retailer, has plans to open 14 stores outside its home market this financial year and to almost double its stores across the continent, excluding South Africa, to 104 in the next two to three years.
John Fraser, who heads Woolworths’ international division, said the expansion has been encouraged by the conscious effort African governments are making to diversify their economies away from dependence on resources. But, he added, “the other thing that’s happening for us is increasing urbanization in Africa . . . and a growing middle class, which is really our target customer.”
Woolworths has stores in a dozen countries outside South Africa, and its sales outside South Africa have tripled in the past two years, Fraser said.
Oil-rich countries such as Nigeria, Angola and Ghana are among the markets being targeted. But for all the enthusiasm and potential, the hurdles can be daunting — Africa’s 1 billion people are spread across 54 diverse countries with different cultures, languages and demographics. There are sizeable bureaucratic and logistical barriers, and searching for the requisite real estate can be a big stumbling block. Massmart, for example, has been unable to secure the property it needs to break into Angola and Kenya.
Massmart opened its first store outside of South Africa in the mid-1990s in Botswana and has operations in 12 countries. It has two stores in Nigeria — deemed the golden goose of the retailing sector — and hopes to open another four in the country. But it could take years reach its targets, primarily because of issues of finding the right property, Pattison said. “It’s very, very difficult. . . . It’s a complicated country, no doubt about that,” he said.
Still, Pattison said that the harder it is to operate, the “more profit opportunity there is,” and Massmart is planning to open food retail outlets across the continent. “People moving from a rural lifestyle to an urban lifestyle need to be serviced,” he said. “We will now transform Massmart into an African company.”
Not everyone is convinced. Ademola Olugunde, a 40-year-old electrical engineer who lives in Australia, was shocked by prices at the Ikeja City Mall.
“This place is a make-believe that everything is well in Nigeria and is not what people need. Step across the road, and you see the poverty; the reality is that it is really tough out there. Fancy malls are for the [wealthiest] 1 percent.”
But Nigeria’s huge population of 160 million — Lagos alone has more than 11 million — means that still adds up to a lot of potential customers eager to embrace the convenience. “I can’t take my baby to shop in the market, with all the traffic, people and noise,” said Zaynab Salami, 32, who works for the National Blood Transfusion Service and was pushing her trolley with her 10-month-old son sitting inside. “But I can here.” Culled from — Financial Times.
Some people say that it is impossible to give your child too much praise. Others claim that constant praise will spoil your child and make him feel entitled, as if the world owed him something.
Besides how much you praise your child, you also have to consider the kind of praise you offer. Which type will encourage your child? Which type might hinder him? How can you offer praise that will have the best outcome?
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW
Not all praise is equal. Consider the following.
Too much praise can be harmful. Some parents dole out undeserved praise in an attempt to boost their children’s self-esteem. But young ones “are smart enough to see through the exaggeration and conclude that you do not really mean what you say,” warns Dr. David Walsh. “They know that they did not deserve [the praise] and may conclude that they cannot trust you.” *
Praise based on ability is better. Suppose your daughter has a knack for drawing. Naturally, you want to praise her for this, which will motivate her to hone her skill even more. But there can be a drawback. Praise focused on talent alone could cause your child to think that the only skills worth pursuing are those that come easily. She may even shy away from new challenges, fearing that she will fail. ‘If something takes effort,’ she reasons, ‘I must not be cut out for it—so why try?’
Effort-based praise is best. Children who are praised for their hard work and perseverance rather than simply for their talents come to realize a vital truth—that acquiring skill requires patience and effort. Knowing that, “they put in the work needed to achieve the desired result,” says the book Letting Go With Love and Confidence. “Even when they come up short, they don’t view themselves as failures, but as learners.”
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Praise effort, not just talent. Telling your child, “I can see that you put a lot of thought into your drawing,” may do more good than saying, “You’re a natural artist.” Both statements offer praise, but the second one could unwittingly imply that inborn skills are the only ones your child will be good at.
When you praise effort, you teach your child that ability can improve with practice. Your child might then take on new challenges more confidently.—Bible principle: Proverbs 14:23.
Help your child deal with failure. Even good people make mistakes, perhaps repeatedly. (Proverbs 24:16) But after each misstep, they get up, learn from the experience, and move on. How can you help your child to cultivate that positive approach?
Again, focus on effort. Consider an example: Suppose you often tell your daughter, “You’re a natural at math,” but then she fails a math test. She might conclude that she has lost her knack, so why try to improve?
When you focus on effort, however, you foster resilience. You help your daughter to view a setback as just that, and not as a disaster. So rather than give up, she may try another approach or simply work harder.—Bible principle: James 3:2.
Give constructive criticism. When given in the right manner, negative feedback will help a child, not crush his spirit. Also, if you regularly give appropriate praise, likely your child will welcome feedback on how he can further improve. Then his achievements will become a source of satisfaction both to him and to you.—Bible principle: Proverbs 13:4.
Culled from Jehovah Witness
Your six-year-old seems to have no concept of self-restraint. If he sees something he wants, he wants it now! If he gets angry, he sometimes lashes out. ‘Is this normal behavior for a child?’ you wonder. ‘Is it just a phase that he will outgrow, or is it the time for me to teach him self-control?’ *
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW
Today’s culture undermines self-control. “In our permissive culture, adults and children constantly hear messages that we should do whatever we want,” writes Dr. David Walsh. “From well-meaning self-help gurus to dollar-grubbing hucksters, we constantly hear that we should give in to our urges.” *
Early teaching of self-control is vital. In a long-term study, researchers gave a group of four-year-old children one marshmallow each and told them that they could either eat the one marshmallow right away or wait a brief period and receive another marshmallow as a reward for their patience. Later in life, as high school graduates, the children who showed self-control at four were doing better than their counterparts emotionally, socially, and academically.
The cost of not teaching self-control can be heavy. Researchers believe that the circuitry of a child’s brain can be altered by his experiences. Dr. Dan Kindlon explains what that means: “If we overindulge our children, if we don’t make them learn how to wait their turn, delay gratification, and resist temptation, the neural changes that we associate with strong character may not take place.” *
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Set the example. How are you at showing self-control? Does your child see you lose your temper in a traffic jam, cut in line at the store, or interrupt others in conversation? “The most straightforward way to help our children develop self-control is to exhibit it ourselves,” writes Kindlon.—Bible principle: Romans 12:9.
Teach your child about consequences. In a manner appropriate for his age, help your child see that there are benefits to resisting his urges and a price to pay for giving in to them. For example, if your child is angry over being mistreated by someone, help him to stop and ask himself: ‘Will retaliation help or hurt? Is there a better way to deal with the situation—perhaps counting to ten and allowing the anger to subside? Would it be better just to walk away?’—Bible principle: Galatians 6:7.
Create incentive. Praise your child when he displays self-control. Let him know that it may not always be easy to suppress his urges but that it is a sign of strength when he does so! The Bible says: “As a city broken through, without a wall, is the man who cannot control his temper.” (Proverbs 25:28) In contrast, “the one slow to anger is better than a mighty man.”—Proverbs 16:32.
Practice. Create a role-playing game called “What Would You Do?” or “Good Choices, Bad Choices” or something similar. Discuss potential scenarios and act out possible reactions, labeling them either “good” or “bad.” Get creative: If you like, use puppets, drawings, or another method to make the activity enjoyable as well as informative. Your goal is to help your child realize that having self-control is better than being impulsive.—Bible principle: Proverbs 29:11.
Be patient. The Bible says that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.” (Proverbs 22:15, footnote) So do not expect your child to develop self-control overnight. “This is a long, slow process with forward progress, meltdowns, and more progress,” says the book Teach Your Children Well. The effort, however, is worthwhile. “The child who can hold off,” the book continues, “is in a much better position to hold off on drugs at twelve or sex at fourteen.”
REWARD POSITIVE BEHAVIOR
Even toddlers can start learning self-control. “If a child cries and cries for a piece of candy at the grocery store and you give it to her, you have just taught her that crying is an effective way to get what she wants,” says the book Generation Me. “The next time she wants something, she will cry and whine because that worked last time. Instead, give the child treats for good behavior. Many parents cave in to a crying child because it feels easier, or because they can’t stand to deprive a child of something she wants. However, you’re depriving her of a lot more if you give in. Rewarding the child who asks nicely teaches social skills as well as self-control.”
Culled from Jehovah Witness
As a child, he talked to you about everything. As a teenager, he tells you nothing. When you try to converse, he either gives clipped responses or ignites an argument that turns your home ground into a battleground.
You can learn to talk with your teenager. First, though, consider two factors that may contribute to the challenge. *
WHY IT HAPPENS
The quest for independence. To become a responsible adult, your teenager must, in a figurative sense, gradually move from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat and learn to navigate life’s treacherous roadways. Of course, some teenagers want more freedom than they should have; on the other hand, some parents grant less freedom than they could. The tug-of-war that may result can create considerable turmoil for parents and teens. “My parents try to micromanage every aspect of my life,” complains 16-year-old Brad. * “If they don’t give me more freedom by the time I turn 18, I’m moving out!”
Abstract thinking. Young children tend to think in concrete, black-and-white terms, but many teenagers can perceive the gray areas of a matter. This is an important aspect of abstract thinking, and it helps a young person develop sound judgment. Consider an example: To a child the concept of fairness seems simple: ‘Mom broke a cookie in two and gave half to me and half to my brother.’ In this case, fairness is reduced to a mathematical formula. Teenagers, however, realize that the concept is not that simple. After all, fair treatment is not always equal, and equal treatment is not always fair. Abstract thinking allows your teenager to grapple with such complex issues. The downside? It can also cause him to grapple with you.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
When possible, have casual chats. Take advantage of informal moments. For example, some parents have found that teenagers are more apt to open up while doing chores or while riding in the car, when they are side-by-side with a parent rather than face-to-face.—Bible principle: Deuteronomy 6:6, 7.
Keep it brief. You do not have to argue every issue to the bitter end. Instead, make your point . . . and then stop. Most of your message will be “heard” by your teenager later, when he’s alone and can ponder over what you’ve said. Give him a chance to do so.—Bible principle: Proverbs 1:1-4.
Listen—and be flexible. Listen carefully—without interrupting—so that you can get the full scope of the problem. When replying, be reasonable. If you rigidly adhere to rules, your teen will be tempted to look for loopholes. “This is when kids live two lives,” warns the book Staying Connected to Your Teenager. “The one in which they tell their parents what they want to hear and the one in which they do as they please once they are out of their parents’ sight.”—Bible principle: Philippians 4:5.
Stay calm. “When we disagree, my mom takes offense at everything I say,” says a teen named Kari. “That just makes me upset, and the conversation snowballs into an argument.” Rather than overreact, say something that “mirrors” your teen’s feelings. For example, instead of saying, “That’s nothing to worry about!” say, “I can see how much this bothers you.”—Bible principle: Proverbs 10:19.
To the extent possible, guide, don’t dictate. Your teen’s abstract thinking skills are like muscles that need to be developed. So when he faces a dilemma, do not do his “exercising” for him. As you discuss the matter, give him a chance to come up with some solutions of his own. Then, after you have brainstormed a few options, you could say: “Those are a few possibilities. Think them over for a day or two, and then we can get together again to talk about which solution you prefer and why.”—Bible principle: Hebrews 5:14.
Culled from Jehovah Witness
EACH day presents people with numerous opportunities to do kind things for others. It may appear, though, that many think only of themselves. You see evidence of that nearly everywhere—from the shameless way people defraud others to the aggressive way they drive, from their crude language to their explosive tempers.
A me-first mentality also exists in many homes. For example, some spouses divorce simply because one partner feels that he or she “deserves better.” Even some parents may unwittingly sow the seeds of a me-first spirit. How? By indulging their child’s every whim, while hesitating to administer any kind of discipline.
By contrast, many other parents are training their children to put others before self, and with great benefits. Children who are considerate are more likely to make friends and to enjoy stable relationships. They are also more likely to be content. Why? Because, as the Bible says, “there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.”—Acts 20:35.
If you are a parent, how can you help your children to reap the benefits of being kind and to avoid being contaminated by the self-absorbed culture that surrounds them? Consider three traps that could foster a me-first spirit in your children, and see how you can avoid those traps.
The problem. Researchers have noted a disturbing trend: Many young adults are entering the workforce with a marked sense of entitlement—an attitude in which they expect success, even if they have done little or nothing to earn it. Some just assume that they will be promoted quickly, even without mastering their trade. Others are convinced that they are special and deserve to be treated that way—and then they become dejected when they realize that the world does not share their view.
What is behind it. Sometimes a sense of entitlement can be traced back to how a person was raised. For example, some parents have been unduly influenced by the self-esteem movement that has become popular in recent decades. Its tenets seemed plausible: If a little praise is good for kids, a lot of praise is better. On the other hand, the thinking was that showing any type of disapproval will only discourage a child. And in a world on a mission to build self-esteem, that was considered the epitome of irresponsible parenting. Children must never be made to feel bad about themselves—or so parents were told.
Many fathers and mothers thus began lavishing a constant flow of praise upon their children, even when those children did nothing particularly praiseworthy. Each accomplishment, no matter how small, was celebrated; each indiscretion, no matter how large, was overlooked. Those parents believed that the secret to building self-esteem was to ignore the bad and praise everything else. Making children feel good about themselves became more important than teaching them to accomplish things that they could actually feel good about.
What the Bible says. The Bible acknowledges that praise is appropriate when it is deserved. (Matthew 25:19-21) But praising children simply to make them feel good may cause them to develop a distorted
view of themselves. The Bible aptly states: “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he is deceiving his own mind.” (Galatians 6:3) For good reason, the Bible tells parents: “Don’t fail to correct your children. You won’t kill them by being firm.” *—Proverbs 23:13, Contemporary English Version.
What you can do. Make it your goal to give correction when it is needed and commendation when it is genuinely deserved. Do not dole out praise just to make your children feel good about themselves. Likely, it will not work. “True self-confidence comes from honing your talents and learning things,” says the book Generation Me, “not from being told you’re great just because you exist.”
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you should. Instead, be modest.”—Romans 12:3, Good News Translation
The problem. Many young adults entering the workforce seem ill-prepared to cope with adversity. Some are devastated by the slightest criticism. Others are finicky and will accept only work that meets their highest expectations. For example, in the book Escaping the Endless Adolescence, Dr. Joseph Allen tells of a young man who said to him during a job interview: “I get the sense that sometimes parts of the work can be a little boring, and I don’t want to be bored.” Dr. Allen writes: “He didn’t seem to understand that all jobs have some boring elements. How did one make it to age twenty-three without knowing that?”
What is behind it. In recent decades, many parents have felt compelled to protect their children from any type of adversity. Your daughter failed a test? Intervene and demand that the teacher raise the grade. Your son received a traffic ticket? Pay the fine for him. A failed romance? Lay all the blame on the other person.
While it is natural to want to protect your children, overprotecting them can send the wrong message—that they do not need to take responsibility for their actions. “Instead of learning that they can survive pain and disappointment, and even learn from it,” says the book Positive Discipline for Teenagers, “[such] children grow up extremely self-centered, convinced that the world and their parents owe them something.”
What the Bible says. Adversity is a part of life. In fact, the Bible says: “Bad things happen to everyone!” (Ecclesiastes 9:11, Easy-to-Read Version) That includes good people. The Christian apostle Paul, for example, endured all manner of hardship during the course of his ministry. Yet, facing up to adversity benefited him! He wrote: “I have learned, in whatever circumstances I am, to be self-sufficient. . . . I have learned the secret of both how to be full and how to hunger, both how to have an abundance and how to suffer want.”—Philippians 4:11, 12.
What you can do. Taking into account the maturity level of your children, strive to follow the Bible principle: “We each must carry our own load.” (Galatians 6:5, CEV) If your son receives a traffic ticket, it might be best to let him pay the fine out of his allowance or salary. If your daughter fails a test, perhaps that should be a wake-up call to her so that next time she will be better prepared. If your son
experiences the breakup of a romance, comfort him—but at the appropriate time help him to reflect on questions such as, ‘In hindsight, has this experience revealed any ways in which I need to grow?’ Children who work through their problems build resilience and self-confidence—assets they might lack if someone was constantly rescuing them.
“Let each one prove what his own work is, and then he will have cause for exultation.”—Galatians 6:4
The problem. In a survey of young adults, 81 percent said that the most important goal of their generation is ‘to become rich’—rating it far above helping others. But striving for wealth does not bring contentment. In fact, research indicates that people who focus on material things are less happy and more depressed. They also have a higher rate of physical and mental problems.
What is behind it. In some cases, children are being raised in materialistic families. “Parents want to make their children happy, and children want stuff,” says the book The Narcissism Epidemic. “Thus parents buy them stuff. And children are happy, but only for a short period of time. Then they want even more stuff.”
Of course, the advertising industry has been all too eager to exploit this hungry consumer market. It promotes such ideas as ‘You deserve the best’ and ‘Because you’re worth it.’ Many young adults have devoured the message and are now in debt, unable to pay for the things they “deserve.”
What the Bible says. The Bible acknowledges the need for money. (Ecclesiastes 7:12) At the same time, it warns that “the love of money is a root of all sorts of injurious things.” It adds: “By reaching out for this love some . . . have stabbed themselves all over with many pains.” (1 Timothy 6:10) The Bible encourages us, not to pursue material riches, but to be content with the basic necessities of life.—1 Timothy 6:7, 8.
“Those who are determined to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and many senseless and hurtful desires.”—1 Timothy 6:9
What you can do. As a parent, examine your own attitude toward money and the things it can buy. Keep your priorities straight, and help your children to do the same. The Narcissism Epidemic, quoted earlier, suggests: “Parents and children can start discussions on such topics as ‘When is buying things on sale a good idea? When is it a bad idea?’ ‘What’s an interest rate?’ ‘When have you bought something because someone else thought you should?’”
Be careful not to use “stuff” as a drug to cover over family issues that need to be addressed. “Throwing material goods at problems is a notoriously unsuccessful solution,” says the book The Price of Privilege. “Problems need to be addressed with thought, insight, and empathy, not shoes and purses.”
Culled from Jehovah Witness
Hot, hot, hot foods are the focus of new research released this week suggesting that eating fiery ingredients such as chili peppers may do more than burn your tongue. These foods may help you live longer.
"There is accumulating evidence from mostly experimental research to show the benefit of spices or their active components on human health," said Lu Qi, an associate professor at Harvard School of Public Health and co-author of the study published this week in the BMJ. But the evidence evaluating consumption of spicy foods and mortality from population studies was lacking, he said.
As a result, researchers from the Chinese Academy of Medical Sciences studied data collected from 2004 to 2008 as part of the China Kadoorie Biobank. Using self-reported questionnaires, they analyzed the spicy food consumption of nearly half a million people age 30 to 70 across 10 regions in China, excluding those with cancer, heart disease and stroke.
They then reviewed the records of 20,224 people who died over a seven-year follow up period and found that those who ate spicy foods six or seven times a week had a 14% lower risk of premature death for all causes than people who ate spicy foods less than once a week. People who frequently consumed spicy food also showed a lower risk of death from cancer or ischemic heart and respiratory system diseases.
Fresh and dried chili peppers were the most common spicy sources, according to the study.
What is it about spicy foods? The study points to the benefits of capsaicin, a bioactive ingredient in chili peppers, which has been linked to health perks such as increased fat burning. Folk medicine practitioners also say capsaicin can help fight infection and stimulate the kidneys, lungs and heart.
Then, there's the old wives' tale that says eating spicy food will induce labor (although there's no scientific evidence supporting this claim).
There are also a few risks associated with eating spicy foods. "There are certain foods that are triggers for people with incontinence or overactive bladders, including spicy foods, which doctors have identified as common irritants for women," said Kristen Burns, an adult urology nurse practitioner at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore.
Spicy foods can also aggravate colds or sinus infections, increasing your runny nose.
The new research found an "association" between death and spicy food consumption, but an editorial published with the study cautions that this is not definitive. As a result, experts emphasize the need for more research before a connection between these ingredients can be scientifically established.
"It's an observational study within a single culture," said Daphne Miller, associate clinical professor at the University of California, San Francisco and author of "The Jungle Effect: The Healthiest Diets from Around the World, Why They Work and How to Make Them Work for You."
There are many variables associated with eating spicy food that haven't been accounted for, she said. The study itself cites limitations including the lack of information about other dietary and lifestyle habits or how spicy food was cooked or prepared. In addition, researchers note that although chili pepper was the most commonly used spice based on self-reports, the use of different spices tends to increase as the use of chili pepper increases. Consuming these other spices may also result in health benefits, independent of chilies.
However, Miller said the findings are still plausible, given the fact that spicy foods also have high levels of phenolic content, which are chemicals with nutritional and anti-inflammatory values.
Bio-psychologist John E. Hayes agrees. The fact that there seems to be an overall protective effect in chili intake is especially interesting, according to Hayes, an associate professor of food science and director of Sensory Evaluation Center at Penn State University. He has previously studied spicy food and personality association.
Now, scientists need to figure out why this benefit is occurring.
Hayes pointed out one significant question: "Is it a biological mechanism or a behavioral mechanism?"
A biological connection could mean that when you eat spicy food, thermogenesis occurs, increasing the basil metabolic rate, said Hayes, while a behavior mechanism could be that eating spicy food slows food intake, causing a person to eat fewer calories. A lower calorie consumption could indicate a more healthful diet, which would be an unaccounted variable not shown by the new study.
Qi, the author of this new study, believes the protective effect associated with spicy foods would indeed translate across cultures, but Hayes cautioned care.
"It's a very big study, a very controlled study," he said, that may not generalize to other countries. For instance, in the U.S., "spicy food is ubiquitously available but not ubiquitously consumed."
"You have to consider that when we talk about spicy food, we can mean vastly different things, with different health implications," Hayes said. "That spicy food could be low-energy-density vegetables, like kimchee. Or it could be a high-energy-density food like barbecue spare ribs."
So before you make a run for the hot sauce, more research is needed to qualify what spicy entails and the various ingredients, which the current study does not break down.
"This isn't an excuse to go out and eat 24 wings and then rationalize it by claiming they are going to make you live longer," Hayes said. "When you're looking at a whole food versus the individual component, we have to be very cautious."
This is the big caveat. "In science, we try to break things down into the simplest parts while still considering the context," Hayes said.
Culled from CNN
1. If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behavior.
2. If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you have lost them.
3. If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.
4. If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.
5. If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don't let them chose what they want.
6. If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.
7. If your child does not respect other people's feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order and command them.
8. If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehavior and you give little attention to good behavior.
9. If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something even if they don't successfully complete it.
10. If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.
11. If your child is openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don't follow through.
12. If your child is secretive, it is because they don't trust that you won't blow things out of proportion.
13. If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others and think its normal behavior.
14. If your child doesn't listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to make decisions.
15. If your child rebels it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right.
The most toxic environment for a boy growing up is a single mother household. I can tell readers from personal experience that boys don’t get all their needs met in a single parent household. Many of the lessons they learn in that hostile territory growing up make them into lost, confused men with no defined sense of identity.
How does a single mother destroy her son?
Speaking negatively about their father: The most damaging thing a mother can do is speak badly about a child’s father in front of them. These negative statements about the child’s father are the equivalent of hitting that child with a fist in the jaw. One half of that child is the father and when he hears his mother saying negative things about him he usually the boy grows up doubting himself. They think that there’s something wrong with them. That they need to change a part of themselves to get approval of his angry mother. It's these identity issues usually cause him to resolve to not be like his father. It’s these identity issues that cause a boy to hate himself.
Saying negative things about men: Thanks to their failed relationship with the child’s father, many Single mothers have a subconscious hatred of men. And they express that hatred about every man they come in contact with. Saying things like “That no good nigger” or “Men isn't shit”, or doing things like avoiding male cashiers, salesmen, and speaking negatively about male acquaintances have a profound impact on children, especially boys. Hearing these negative statements and seeing these misandristic actions about men and regarding men make little boys afraid of embracing their masculinity and their male identity. One of the easiest ways to turn a boy into a Mangina is to have him constantly hear numerous negative statements about men from his mother. When a boy hears that his mother hates men, he resolves to not be like them. Which is simply self-hatred.
Teaching their sons to disrespect their fathers’ authority: One of the most dangerous things Single mothers indirectly teach their children is to disrespect male authority. By making negative statements about the child’s father, dismissing things he says and telling them to disregard his instructions, she teaches her children to have no respect male authority and to have no regard for males in charge. Most mothers think they’re getting back at the dad by doing this. But they don’t see the long-term damage they do by teaching their sons to have contempt for their fathers. Boys growing up to disrespect of their fathers have no respect for all other men in society.
Teaching their sons to disrespect male authority and male authority figures: When a mother teaches her son to have no respect for the authority of their fathers, it teaches them that men are not be respected. That can get him into trouble when he runs into male authority figures such as supervisors and police officers when he gets older. This is why many boys who come from single parent homes have a hard time adjusting to the real world.
When challenged by male authority figures they often resist them or disrespect them because they’ve been made to believe they’re beneath them. What most boys from single parent homes don’t understand are that these men they have little regard for have the power to fire him from a job. And if they’re in law enforcement these men who have the power to kill him if he doesn’t follow their instructions to the letter.
Projecting anger at the father onto the son: It’s not common for a Single mother to go into an angry rant when their son does something wrong or makes a mistake when they disagree with her. Oftentimes she’s venting the rage she feels about the child’s father at the son. Statements like: “You gonna grow up to be just like yo no good daddy” hit boys like fists. Oftentimes these emotionally abusive blows knock boys down for the count emotionally before they even get up to become men. These hostile and negative statements from a single mother can force boys to withdraw socially, and erect emotional walls. These walls prevent these boys from connecting with others and forming healthy relationships when they get older.
Not allowing their father to see them: While things between a single mother and the child’s father may have soured, the mother should NEVER deny the father a right to see his child if he wants to see them. Contrary to the belief of most feminists and liberals, a woman CANNOT be a mother and a father to a boy. Nor can she raise a boy to become a man. Boys need that relationship with their father to gain a sense of themselves and to understand their masculinity and male identity.
Without that relationship they often grow up lost and confused about their identity as a man. When boys can’t answer those questions that only a father can answer, they take cues from Hyper masculine images in media or from ideas from their peers to fill in the empty space regarding what type of man they should become. And if this media isn’t available, he starts taking cues from their mother regarding what type of man they should be.
Bringing in substitutes for a father: Many single mothers who have alienated the Child’s father and are overwhelmed try to bring in a substitute male to role model for him. Unfortunately, this man often never measures up or is capable of doing the job of the child’s father. Oftentimes he winds up just as overwhelmed and frustrated as the single mother is because he has no understanding of the family’s history or the previous history of the child. What most single Mothers don’t understand is that only a father can meet the needs of his son. Only he can meet the emotional needs of that boy and because half of that boy is based on who he is and because he has some understanding of who the mother is.
Coddling their sons: Single mothers are the biggest enablers of bad behavior in boys. When their sons do wrong, they make excuses for them. When they make mistakes in life they blame others for doing wrong by “Their boy”. And when they fail in life, they bail them out. Thanks to their coddling, their sons never grow up learning they have to take responsibility for their actions. Oftentimes, the sons of single mothers often grow up spoiled with a sense of entitlement and a belief that the world owes them something. That makes them impossible adults to deal with.
Inconsistent discipline: Along with coddling, the most damaging thing single mothers do to kids is inconsistently disciplining them. Because they don’t understand the role a father plays in establishing consistent structure and order in a child’s life, they either don’t punish boys for their bad behavior or they go overboard with excessively violent or harsh punishments. With an emotional single mother there is no plan of action to correct the bad behavior in their sons or to educate them on what they are doing is wrong. So the bad behavior often continues well into their adulthood And because boys never learn that for every action there will be the same reaction every time they never grow up to learn how to take responsibility for their actions.
Teaching boys to be emotional. Boys who grow up in single parent homes don’t learn how to control their emotions. This leads to them not being able to cope with conflict in life. A boy has to grow up to learn discipline and self-control in order to navigate life in the real world. When he’s raised to think logically by his father, he learns the self-control that allows him to walk away from trouble. He thinks about the long-term ramifications of his actions and the impact on others.
But when he’s raised by a woman he learns to think of his short-term feelings. And when he acts on those feelings, he often says and does things he regrets. A man who has no control over his emotions is more prone to go into a rage where he beats a woman who disagrees with him or says no to him, get into fights with men over silly things like a basketball game or a look in his direction. Or his words and actions can cause him to get into a scuffle with police where he’s fatally shot and killed for resisting arrest. This loss of self-control can cause him to be seen as weak by other men and make him a target for the abuses of both predatory men and women.
Not teaching their sons what boundaries are. Some Single mothers just don’t understand what structure is like men do. And part of the healthy establishment of structure is establishing boundaries. Boundaries are imaginary lines in the sand that keep boys safe. They keep boys from going too far and doing things that will hurt them. And a strong father teaches their sons what boundaries are at an early age. Boys who grow up without boundaries cross lines.
They take dangerous unnecessary risks. They don’t know when they’ve gone TOO FAR. They violate people’s personal space. And they can’t take NO for an answer. This leads to people having to do things like take out restraining orders, have them arrested, beat them severely, or even kill them to make them STOP whatever they’re doing.
Not teaching their sons coping skills: Boys who grow up in single parent homes often don’t learn how to cope with the obstacles life throws at them. When things like rejection, failure and loss come into their lives they don’t grieve, hurt for a while and move on like Real Men do. Instead they go BERZERK. Boys who haven’t been taught coping skills by their fathers can’t deal with the many curves life throws at them. When their girlfriends leave them, they stalk and kill them. When they lose a job they go on a shooting rampage. And when life just gets too damn hard for them they commit suicide.
Establishing a co-dependent relationship: One of the most destructive things Single mothers do to their sons is try to turn them into a surrogate husband. What they don’t understand is that they’re doing is establishing a co-dependent relationship with them. In this co-dependent relationship, Single mothers attach an emotional hose up to their sons. And as they use their sons to get their emotional and other needs met it literally sucks the life out of these boys, preventing them from growing up to become healthy, functional men who can have a relationship with women his own age. Thanks to co-dependent single mothers boys never learn to get their own lives and become their own man.
Smothering: Smothering something that prevents a boy from growing up to become a healthy, emotionally stable functional man. When a woman smothers her son it’s the equivalent of putting a boot on a boy’s neck and never letting him get up. It paralyzes him and prevents him from moving forward in life. Many single mothers often KILL their boys by choking the very life out of them with their constant nagging and hovering over them. When a mother holds a child too close to them, it prevents them from going out into the world and experiencing life. When they try to dictate the terms of a boy’s manhood all it leads to is him growing up dependent on women for his existence.
Bullying: Single mothers often use threats, intimidation and verbal abuse to control their sons because they become frustrated when they act in masculine ways they don’t understand. It’s often this emotional abuse that makes their boys grow up to see women as overbearing, domineering emasculating and downright hostile. This form of bullying often makes boys avoid women and avoid relationships with women. If a decent woman doesn’t show him what a positive relationship with a woman looks like, he grows up to think of all women as monsters.
Trying to run his life: Some single mothers often try to control every move their sons make. This turns them into pussy whipped mama’s boys who can’t do anything for themselves. What most single mothers don’t understand is that a man has to go out into the world one day. And that boys have grow up and learn how to do things for themselves if they’re going to survive out there. If he can’t leave his mother’s locus of control he’ll never learn how to take responsibility for himself.
Thinking she can raise a man be a man on her terms: Single Mothers often try to define their sons’ manhood on her terms. They’re often disappointed when their quest to make a “perfect” man out of their sons blows up in their faces. Usually when women define a boy’s manhood and male identity he grows up to become a pathetic creature who can’t do anything for himself without the leadership of a woman or a misogynist with a vehement hatred for women. What most Single Mothers don’t understand is that only a man can teach a man how to be a Real Man. Only a man understands what a man has to do to navigate life in this world. There are only some lessons a man can teach a boy about life, and women need to understand this.
Trying to turn their sons into “Perfect” people: Another mistake single mothers try to do is making their sons better than their father. This puts a lot of pressure on a boy and gives him an inferiority complex. Boys who are trying to be “perfect” often wind up growing up filled with insecurity and anxiety. This fear encompasses every part of their life making them introverted and withdrawn. They can’t cope with the challenges of everyday life because they’re afraid of making a mistake that messes everything up. When it’s mistakes that make them better men. When boys make mistakes, they build the character that allows them to become stronger men with a tougher resolve. Men who fail, fall and screw up learn how to get up, dust themselves off and try again. That failure is a part of life. And every failure only helps him grow.
Ironically, in their obsessive quest to make their sons “perfect”, Single mothers wind up making their sons into pathetic weak men who can’t function in society. Boys who grow up to become men who are afraid of taking risks. Men who are always playing it safe. Men who are nothing more than cowards.
Not encouraging them or supporting them in their quest to become independent men: Many single mothers profess to love their sons. But when those boys try to do things that will allow them to grow up to become independent men, they shut them down or sabotage them. Many single mothers fear that if their sons start taking adult actions that will take them to the next level they’ll become like their “evil” fathers. So they do things to keep them stranded in a state of arrested development. Oftentimes these co-dependent single mothers are afraid that if their sons start taking actions that will allow them to become adults, they’ll set boundaries and remove the emotional hose they’ve attached. And without that boy to maintain that co-dependent relationship with them, they’ll wither away and die pathetic lonely women. Or worse, they fear that their sons will find out the TRUTH regarding the relationship between her and his father.
Not encouraging boys to embrace their masculinity: Single mothers often do their sons a disservice by not encouraging them to be masculine. Instead, they shame their boys about expressing their masculinity and in some cases punish them for it. Some women do this subconsciously because they have a deep seeded hatred for the child’s father. So they seek to get even with him by sabotaging their sons’ development. By emasculating him and destroying his masculinity and male identity, she hopes to get back at that man who she thinks did her wrong.
Not encouraging boys to embrace their sexuality: Many single mothers are ashamed of their sexuality because the relationship between them and their father failed. So they teach their children to be ashamed of sex and their sexuality. Boys who grow up in single parent homes often grow up confused about their sexuality. And because there’s no father in the home to show them how a healthy heterosexual male relates to women, he starts learning how to relate to the opposite sex from a female perspective. And thanks to his single mother’s bad sexual experiences with men he learns that sex is something dirty and wrong. Something only whores do with perverted “no good” men.
When there was nothing wrong with sex. There was just something wrong with the way she had relationships with men that led to her having bad sexual experiences. Boys from single parent homes are often have no idea how great sex can be. Misled by peers and misinformed by angry parents they often have a negative perception of sex. Sex can be a wonderful thing. When a boy is properly educated on his body and his natural male sexual energy he can share himself with a woman physically, emotionally and mentally and have a great sexual experience.
Misleading boys about Male/female relationships: One of the biggest lies Single mothers tell their sons is that he has to be a friend to a woman in order to have a sexual/romantic relationship with them. When this is not true at all. Following this advice leads to boys winding up failing at romance. The truth is that women DON’T want to be friends with the men they choose to be romantically involved with. Most women choose their sexual partners and boyfriends within the first five seconds of looking at them. The Single mother may want a man who is their friend after her failed relationships with men. But younger women who are functional and want a good relationship DO NOT want their man to be their best friend. Men who are in the friend zone are men they have NO sexual attraction to.
Telling boys that all women are whores: Many Single mothers express their jealousy at younger women their sons get involved with. They’ll say they don’t want their sons to make the same mistake they did years ago, but that’s a lie. What they resent is the youth and beauty of these women and the possibility that they’ll have better character than they have.Moreover, Single mothers resent the possibility that their sons will have a successful romantic relationship. Single mothers fear that if their sons have a successful romantic relationship it’ll reflect badly on them. That it’ll show how they were the reason why their relationship failed and how everything wasn’t on that “no good man”. So they express their anger at those women telling their sons that they’re whores and sluts. The goal of this shaming language is to make the boy back away from a possibly healthy relationship with a woman outside of her and continue maintaining a co-dependent relationship they have with each other.
Sabotaging his relationships with women: Single mothers hate their sons having girlfriends because they fear that as he gets closer to this woman, he’ll start establishing healthy boundaries that will sever the emotional hose they have hooked up to them. And if he severs that hose she’ll have to do something like getting her own life. Single mothers often have no idea the damage they do to their sons every day. How their indirect actions are having a profound impact on their male childs’ upbringing. How the values they teach lead to their boys becoming men who can’t navigate the challenges of life. If you’re a single mom, please put aside your grievances and let that father get involved in his life. He’s the only one who can teach him the lessons he’ll need to become a man. When you try to raise a boy on your own all you’re doing is destroying his chances of growing up to become a functional adult.
Culled from africanamerica.org
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "how do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends.
Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that_expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable.
..You can "make" love. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. Remember this always
"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
"Blessed is the person whose trust is in the Lord God. Whatever he does he prospers"
Arthur Ashe is the first African American to win the men's singles at Wimbledon and the U.S. Open, and the first black American to be ranked No. 1 in the world.
Born on July 10, 1943, in Richmond, Virginia, Arthur Ashe became the first, and is still the only, African-American male player to win the U.S. Open and Wimbledon. He is also the first black American to be ranked No. 1 in the world. Always an activist, when Ashe learned that he had contracted AIDS via a blood transfusion, he turned his efforts to raising awareness of the disease, before finally succumbing to it on February 6, 1993.
Arthur Robert Ashe Jr. was born on July 10, 1943, in Richmond, Virginia. The oldest of Arthur Ashe Sr. and Mattie Cunningham's two sons, Arthur Ashe Jr. blended finesse and power to forge a groundbreaking tennis game. Ashe would go on to achieve a number of African-American "firsts," including becoming the first African-American male player to win the U.S. Open (1968) and Wimbledon (1975), the first African-American player to be ranked No. 1 in the world, and the first black American to be inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame (1985).
Ashe's childhood was marked by hardship and opportunity. Under his mother's direction, Ashe was reading by the age of 4. But his life was turned upside-down two years later, when Mattie passed away.
Ashe's father, fearful of seeing his boys fall into trouble without their mother's discipline, began running a tighter ship at home. Ashe and his younger brother Johnnie went to church every Sunday, and after school were required to come straight home. Arthur Sr. even clocked the distance: "My father kept me home, out of trouble. I had exactly 12 minutes to get home from school, and I kept to that rule through high school."
About a year after his mother's death, Arthur discovered the game of tennis, picking up a racket for the first time at the age of 7, at a park not far from his home. Sticking with the game, Ashe eventually caught the attention of Dr. Robert Walter Johnson Jr., a tennis coach from Lynchburg, Virginia, who was active in the black tennis community. Under Johnson's direction, Ashe excelled.
In his first tournament, Ashe reached the junior national championships. Driven to excel, he eventually moved to St. Louis to work closely with another coach, winning the junior national title in 1960 and again in 1961. Ranked the fifth best junior player in the country, Ashe accepted a scholarship at the University of California, Los Angeles, where he graduated with a degree in business administration.
In 1963, Ashe became the first African American to be recruited by the U.S. Davis Cup team. Thereafter, he continued to refine his game, gaining the attention of his tennis idol, Pancho Gonzales, who further helped Ashe hone his serve-and-volley attack. The training all came together in 1968, when the still-amateur Ashe shocked the world by capturing the U.S. Open title—becoming the first, and still the only, African-American male player to do so. Two years later, he took home the Australian title.
In 1975, Ashe registered another upset by beating Jimmy Connors in the Wimbledon finals, marking another pioneering achievement within the African-American community—becoming the first African-American male player to win Wimbledon—which, like his U.S. Open victory, remains unmatched. That same year (1975), Ashe became the first African-American tennis player to be ranked No. 1 in the world. Ten years later, in 1985, he would become the first black U.S. citizen to be inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame.
For Ashe, however, success also brought opportunity and responsibility. He didn't relish his status as the sole black star in a game dominated by white players, but he didn't run away from it either. With his unique pulpit, he pushed to create inner city tennis programs for youth; helped found the Association of Men's Tennis Professionals; and spoke out against apartheid in South Africa—even going so far as to successfully lobby for a visa so he could visit and play tennis there.
Ashe's causes were shaped by both his own personal story and his health. In 1979, he retired from competition after suffering a heart attack, and wrote a history of African-American athletes: A Hard Road to Glory (three volumes, published in 1988). He also served as national campaign chairman of the American Heart Association.
Ashe was plagued with health issues over the last 14 years of his life. After undergoing a quadruple bypass operation in 1979, he went under the knife again in 1983 for a second bypass. In 1988, he underwent emergency brain surgery after experiencing paralysis of his right arm. A biopsy taken during a hospital stay revealed that Ashe had AIDS. Doctors soon discovered that Ashe had contracted HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, from a transfusion of bad blood that he was given during his second heart operation.
Initially, Ashe kept the news hidden from the public. But in 1992, Ashe came forward with the news after he learned that USA Today was working on a story about his health battle. Finally free from the burden of trying to hide his condition, Ashe poured himself into the work of raising awareness about the disease. He delivered a speech at the United Nations, started a new foundation, and laid the groundwork for a $5 million fundraising campaign for the institution.
He continued to work, even as his health began to deteriorate, making it down to Washington, D.C. in late 1992 to participate in a protest over the United States' treatment of Haitian refugees. For his part in the demonstration, Ashe was taken away in handcuffs. It was a poignant final display for a man who was never shy about showing his concern for the welfare of others.
Arthur Ashe died in New York City on February 6, 1993, from AIDS-related pneumonia. Four days later, he was laid to rest in his hometown of Richmond, Virginia. Some 6,000 people attended the service.
In addition to his pioneering tennis career, Ashe is remembered for a number of inspirational quotes, including, "True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost." He also once said, "One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation."
Ashe was married to Jeanne Moutoussamy from 1977 until his death in 1993. They had one daughter, Camera.
"Arthur Ashe." Bio. A&E Television Networks, 2015. Web. 05 June 2015